a funny story, i couldn't remember for a long while.

i have been attempting with no luck to tell this story while with friends in new york, but always it had left me. it returned to me tonight. here you go.

during the end of my time in pittsburgh i went on a date with a man, a much older man, who i was certain would not be compatible, but he was persuasive and rather handsome, so i agreed. i arrived at the agreed upon bar, which was as close to fru fru as pittsburgh was ever going to get. i arrived and i could tell i was not what he had expected. gay men, gay.com, it's an old story. my date as it were was sitting at the bar with 2 other gay men, the kind of gay men that blend well together and i find utterly boring. he introduced me to his friends and i could tell that they instantly thought there new found friend had made a mistake. surely this chubby awkward 20 something could not be there friends date. the date went badly. my date was hitting the sketchier of the two men we were sitting with. my date was hitting on a coke dealer. ah romance. he left to accompany this entrepreneur on a call, leaving me with 60$ to stay and have a few drinks. i felt like julia roberts in the heartland.

the coke dealer's roommate and i sat there. he was eagerly typing a cute guy he wanted to come meet him for a drink. he was excited because word on the street was that said cute guy had lost some weight. ooooo. we made small talk and drank overpriced martini's. yum. he looked at me and said, "Wow, you have really clear skin, I have to pack on the foundation to get skin that clear." i was flattered but, as always, i'm skeptical. so i turned to my drinking companion and i said, "Well thank you, but it's a trade off, I get clear skin, but I'm fat." my new slender friend's jaw dropped. he sat there silent for minutes, and i asked, "What? Hasn't anyone ever called themselves fat around you? Haven't you met a self identified fatty before?" he remained silent, and finally whispered, "No..." he continued, "...I'm sorry, it's just that i only know skinny people." I had a friend, a very good looking friend, meeting me, and as luck would have it he walked in at that moment. we kissed. i left.